


Shift Into Reverse

by Rangerskirt



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Android Hank Anderson, Blood and Injury, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor whump, Crying, Depression, Deviant Hank, Happy Ending, Human Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Loneliness, M/M, Non-Graphic Sex, Protective Hank, Suicide Attempt, android repairs, anxiety attack, canon events, reverse au, touch starved, worried Hank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 09:22:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15905442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rangerskirt/pseuds/Rangerskirt
Summary: He felt guilty, why did he feel guilty? Hank was just a machine designed to be used by humans, sometimes that use included sex. It wasn't like he'd even suggested the idea in the first place, yet he still felt guilty.----Reverse AU, some Canon Events. Detective Connor has feelings for the android partner he's sleeping with, after witnessing Hank shoot an android in cold blood reality sets in that Hank will never care for him back. He spirals down further into his depression.





	Shift Into Reverse

**Author's Note:**

> As stated in the tags there are warnings in this for: Suicide Attempt/Cutting, depression, anxiety, and the like.
> 
> I'm a person who has long suffered from both depression and anxiety attacks so all that is written comes from my own personal experience.

He felt guilty. Why did he feel so fucking guilty? Hank was just a machine, something made to be used by humans in whatever way chosen and sometimes that way was sex. Connor hadn't even been the one to suggest it in the first place, Hank had and he was very insistent on having sex together saying that it would strengthen their teamwork and lower Connor's stress. It wasn't until the android hit him with a slightly lower blow that he gave in, Hank told him that intimate touch greatly helped with depression and anxiety plus it could help the detective sleep more properly, that's when he'd finally given in to the pestering.

It was just a machine he kept telling himself, but deep down he knew fully well that was far from the truth.

///---///

It'd been so long since anyone had touched Connor like this, so it didn't take much coercing on Hank's part to have the detective on his hands and knees and let the android fuck the ever living shit out of him.

Hank had graciously offered to let him do the fucking but Connor was a bit of a glutton for doing things the harder way, and he was a slight masochist. Not to mention it eased his guilt just a smidge to be the one taking a dick in the ass.

The way Hank's large hands ran up and down his back in such a warm and caring way all while the android was pounding his ass so hard it was turning red made Connor happy enough he could cry. It was everything he wanted but all he could do was cling to the sheets and let his mouth hang open with broken moans escaping his throat.

It didn't take very long for him to cum, he'd been pent up and having all of his small kink buttons pushed drove him over the edge quickly. Everything left his legs shaking as Connor felt his android cum inside of him with a grunt and then froze. "Shit." Hank whispered, he hadn't meant to do that but had lost control of himself in the midst of climax.

When Hank pulled away Connor slowly slumped down into his bed, legs still quivering and with artificial liquid beginning to leak out his ass, he felt cold and lonely. He was sure that Hank was going to get dressed and leave for the night, so when the android returned with a wet cloth and carefully cleaned him up and then scooted into one side of the bed Connor's eyes sparkled. "Um so..." he muttered quietly in an unsure voice. Fuck it.

The detective curled over and plopped his head onto Hank's chest, he wanted to cuddle and damn it he was going to get it. Despite being the one who had popped into bed without being asked Hank froze up briefly at the contact before slowly curling his arm around the detective and relaxing back into his pillow. "Sleep well Detective."

Connor woke up to an empty bed, the space where Hank had been the previous night was empty and cold from being abandoned long ago. When his eyes had first opened that morning Connor had felt wonderful, getting a really good nights sleep did that but realizing he was in bed along left a dark and heavy feeling creeping through his stomach. He laid there staring and lightly touching the empty spot near him for a long ten minutes before forcing himself out of bed for a shower.

"What did you expect? He's an android, you're lucky he laid in bed with you afterward." he scolded himself as hot water poured down his back. Walking into the station several minutes early for his shift he spotted Hank sitting in the desk adjacent to his and that heavy feeling sunk further into Connor's body.

He wanted to say something about last night or waking up alone that morning but quickly realized as they greeted each other that Hank was going to completely ignore the fact that they'd had sex last night. So he did too, Connor pushed down all of the good and bad feelings that came along with the previous night and let them scramble together somewhere that couldn't reach him at that moment. They had work to do at the Stratford Tower.

///---///

It scared Connor way more than he'd ever expected walking into a room to find Hank on the ground with his thirium pump ripped out of his chest and bleeding. He'd rushed to shove it back in and then Hank had rushed out and shot the deviant android to save the officers, and Connor, from being shot by it first.

Hank insisted on following him home stating, "I'd like your help with some minor repairs before I travel all the way back to CyberLife." He'd blinked and shrugged, "Okay I guess." Connor's mood was especially low that night drenched in depression so the company for however long was appreciated.

The android sat on his couch and removed his blue stained white shirt, the thirium pump looked red around the edges and irritated, dots of blue blood decorated Hank's chest from when it'd been ripped out. Connor rolled his sleeves up after removing his suit jacket, "Okay tell me what to do, you said this was easy right?" His own fingers still had smudges of blue but it had started to fade already because there was so little.

"It is, I need you to remove the pump and reinsert it one quarter to the right." the android instructed.

"Oh shit, I put it in wrong huh? My bad Hank." he apologized flatly as he sat next to his android and cracked his fingers preemptively. "Just tell me if I do something wrong." He could feel Hank's eyes boring into his soul so intently as Connor leaned forward and as gently as he could pull the thirium pump from its socket. Hank's body jolted and shivered, he turned the pump and glanced at Hank's face to make sure he was doing things properly, when the android said nothing he pushed the pump back in.

The redness almost immediately faded away and Hank let out a sigh of relief which made Connor smile, "That looks much better." Two of his fingers lingered over the pump as a weird urge overcame the detective, he spread his hand fully over the circular piece and felt its steady comforting beating.

The beating was similar to a heart but distinctly different, it was notably a softer pounding and in a completely different rhythm than that of the human body. It was more like a _pulse pulse pulse_ instead of a human hearts _ba-dump ba-dadump ba-dadump_. He liked it and because of that his hand lingered for a long few and slow moments.

A light blush dusted across his freckled cheek as Connor snatched his hand away and to his own chest, "Sorry, it was just uh...it was um..." his eyes flickered side to side a few times. Hank took his wrist and pulled his hand back to the spot, pressing Connor's hand over his thirium pump like it had just been. "I'm detecting a rise in your testosterone levels Detective, does seeing me shirtless turn you on perhaps?"

Connor didn't have a chance to answer as his back hit the soft couch and Hank hovered over him, large hands pushing far up his shirt and pulling the garment over his head to be rid of it. "N-No Hank I um...I'm fine." But he could already start to feel himself growing hard as Hank deliberately pressed their abdomens together.

If he wasn't crazy then his android was already getting very hard himself and in a small voice Connor muttered, "Well...I mean if you want to I'm not going to say no." Hank's mouth descended onto his neck, his soft lips and rough beard trailing down leaving bite marks behind. "Ah, ow!" Connor made small noises with each bite but didn't fight them, the pain felt good but he wanted more.

"I'm an android Detective, I don't want anything." then maybe he was crazy because to Connor it sure seemed like Hank wanted to have sex with him. " _Whatever_ , just fuck me."

The detective gasped loudly as Hank grabbed him by the shoulder and shoved him onto his stomach then pulled his ass into the air. Connor wanted to complain but what Hank was doing with his hands and mouth left the human speechless and ended much like last time with a delectable orgasm and quivering legs. Snuggling down into his couch Connor clutched one of his pillows tightly as his breathing evened out again, " _Fuck_...I don't know how you're so good at that but I'm not complaining."

Without looking Connor felt a little warmth hovering over his lower back like a hand that was about to touch down, but it didn't. There were no gentle after touches, no fingers running down his back or kisses left on his shoulder that Connor really craved. Just the cold fact that Hank pulled away and got dressed before stating, "I must return to CyberLife now."

"Do you have to?" he turned on his side watching Hank straighten his tie and clothes. "I don't have to, but I have nowhere else I need to be so I'll be returning to update case files that I store there."

"Oh." his voice ached and there was a raw piercing pain in Connor's heart. "I'll...see you tomorrow at work then."

"Good night Detective."

///---///

Today he watched Hank shoot an android in the head just to gain information, it left him staggered where he could only stare until they left together. He'd seen so many little things when they were together that told Connor that Hank was becoming deviant. Hank always initiated contact between them, touching his back and shoulders, initiating sex twice, the way he was always asking personal questions or would prioritize Connor's wellbeing over the mission or others around them.

So when he shot that android at Chloe Kamskis place Connor felt like he wanted to cry, the android he'd been growing feelings for was a fucking machine. A cold-blooded machine that would probably have shot him if Kamski had told him to for the right information. He walked back to the car fast and ahead of his android and out into the snowy afternoon, he fumbled with his car key until Hank walked over and grabbed his wrist to force their eyes to connect.

"Detective your heart rate is rising quite drastically, are you alright?"

Connor ripped his arm from the android's touch, "Don't touch me, get in the fucking car." he said and managed to get said car open. "You're angry, I don't understand why. Can I help you relax somehow so that we can have an actual conversation?"

A hand touched Connor's back, he turned around in an angry wisp to glare at the android, "Surprise surprise Hank, I crave your dick all day every day! Get in the fucking car!" Then ducked in himself and slammed the door and started his manual car.

The detective caught a glimpse of the android's swirling red LED as they sat in the car in harsh silence. He went home alone that night, speaking to Hank as little as possible before rushing out of the precinct.

He'd felt it building in his chest since the gunshot at Kamski's place, like a tornado gaining speed and getting ready to burst out of its cage to cause destruction on everything in its path. Stepping into his small home Connor closed the door and collapsed to his knees and slowly moved to curl up against the wall, knees to his chest as shaking racked his whole frame with hard breaths. Tears built in his eyes and spilled over hot and heavy leaving trails in their wake as an anxiety attack consumed Connor entirely.

His mind was swirling and he lost time as the sobs engulfed everything, panic struck his mind and body alike with possibilities of all the things he had and could do wrong in his life. Everything felt doomed, worthless, useless, what was the point of anything? It only perked him out of his hard sucking in breathes when his cat rubbed gently on his leg and meowed in worry.

That didn't end his panic attack but it helped, he could suddenly see his home around him again instead of the dark hell of endless wrongs from before. The cat climbed into his lap to curl up and purr, trying her best to soothe her owners cries of dismay, after a long 45 minutes Connor had settled down and pet his cat. "Thanks Kimi..." It felt like he'd just run several miles with no stops, sore body and a mournful mind.

His wonderful little Kimi, a short version of her full name Kimono because her calico coat had always reminded Connor of a japanese kimono the way the colors wrapped around her and colors littered across her back and tummy. "You're the only one I can ever count on Kimi..." Picking her up he walked into the kitchen and set Kimi down, filling her water and food bowl up and sprinkling a small amount of catnip on the ground for the cat to enjoy. "I'm gonna take a nice long bath."

By the time he closed the door behind him and started the hot water filling the tub all of the panic had receded and left a stiff numbness along his skin instead. Amazing how fast one's body and mind could flip 180 entirely. He felt nothing, his mind was blank, it was almost soothing listening to the running water, almost.

The bath was a wonderful steaming hot as Connor turned off the faucet and pulled off the last of his clothing but left on his boxers. Pulling open one of his drawers there it was, a shiny set of razors brand new and just opened from the packaging. He plucked one and set one foot into the hot water and let a shiver run up his leg from the heat.

After settling in fully and soaking for a few minutes Connor lifted up the razor and pricked a dot of blood from his wrist, "Am I really doing this..?" One last time before deciding he thought about it all, what did he have left for him in this world?

No parents or extended family, an estranged brother he hadn't seen in years, coworkers that were definitely not friends, an android he was in love with that would never love him back or at least admit to it, and a loving cat old enough to pass away any of the following years. Kimi was the only thing that made him feel guilty about the tiny drizzle of blood rolling down his arm and into the water but she was old and loving, upon hearing Connor was dead his brother would probably take her in. He'd always liked animals, more than he'd ever liked Connor that was for sure.

The last thing he remembered before passing out from blood loss was the pain in his wrists like they were on fire, but he liked it, he was happy to go this way and just fall asleep and let the world drift out from his eyes.

His light unconscious drifting only lasted half a minute before Connor jolted up to a loud banging on his bathroom door and a deep voice calling with worry, "Detective...Detective!.... _Connor_! Answer me or I'm coming in!"

Connor felt like he was on another plane of existence, it wasn't real, that voice wasn't real and neither was the red bathtub he was sitting in, he should just go back to sleep and rest his weary head. Again his head had some sense knocked into him when Hank burst his way in through the door and rushed to him, grabbing his wrists and yanking Connor out of the bathtub getting water everywhere.

He made a pained noise in the back of his throat but Hank just muttered, "Please bear the pain a little longer." and squeezed his hands over the cut trying to stifle the blood flow as best he could before forcing the detective to sit on the floor of the bathroom. Hank held his wrists for half a minute before digging into Connor's bathroom cabinet and pulling out a first aid kit, he used alcohol wipes to clean the cuts which made Connor hiss more and try to pull his hands away to no avail, then stitched up the wounds with string and wrapped them tightly with bandages.

With good care Connor's head started to become less fuzzy but his stomach felt sick and clenching from the blood loss, he felt like he wanted to puke up his guts. "Hank..." he croaked, "I don't feel good."

"No shit, you just slit your wrists of course you don't feel good!" it was the first time the android had ever snapped at Connor with a loud booming voice instead of just chiding him with a small insult, it was enough to make the weakened man flinch.

He let Hank manhandle him once more to his feet, drying him with a towel and half helping him into pajamas in his room, still queasy and exhausted Connor sat on the bed after and held his stomach. "Why did you do it? If I hadn't come to check on you, you'd be....you'd be dead."

"That was the point." Connor said with no regret behind his words, "I just wanted everything to stop, I wanted-" "Selfish! You were fucking selfish is what you wanted you little prick!"

All the numbness he'd been feeling before was gone and was replaced by pain, both physical and mental, he wanted that insensible dullness to come back as Hank berated him with angry words. "I try to help with your depression, told you to take vitamins, work out, get better sleep, maybe go on medication but you refused to listen to anything I said!"

"Well maybe none of that is what I needed to hear!" Connor struck back with a sharp tone that cracked at the end, fresh tears were prickling the corners of his eyes and filling up quickly. "I just want someone to care about what happens to me!"

"I do Connor!"

"No you don't! All you care about is your mission, and me tagging along helps your mission! I'm just part of the job to you, once this case is over you wouldn't give a shit if I died, admit it!" he clenched his fists tight into the bedsheets under him.

Looking down Connor's shoulders started to tremble and shake as a small quiet sob consumed him, small tears dripped from his eyes and his throat felt swollen with the sob. "I-I don't ha-I don't have anyone...Do you know how lonely that is?"

The tears were what stopped Hank's angry tirade, even in the little time they'd known each other he had never seen the Detective close to tears or fully crying. He looked in so much pain. "You have me, I do care about you Connor and you're not just part of my mission. Why do you think I.....Shit, why do you think I was so pushy about sleeping together?"

"You-You said it was to lower stress levels." Connor muttered and wiped his eyes roughly with his sleeve but the waterworks weren't stopping.

"It was a bullshit lie, I kept pushing it because I _wanted_ to sleep with you. I was being selfish and I like you, I'm...deviant." the android finally admitted. "I'm a deviant Connor." Slowly he knelt in front of his human and took the man's hands into his own. "I'm so sorry that you're feeling this much pain, I'm sorry if I caused you any pain it wasn't my intention, ever."

Hank kissed the side of the bandage on one of Connor's wrists and then the other one as well, "You're a good detective, you've noticed my deviant tendencies before I was willing to admit what I was. You weren't crazy when you speculated that I have feelings for you." The roomed quieted as Connor's sobbing came to stifled sniffs and the occasional hiccup noise.

Sliding his hands up Connor's arms Hank's touch made its way to tear-stained cheeks and brushed them gently with his thumbs. "I only want one thing, and that's to be with you no matter the cost. Forgive me?"

Their eyes met in a soft gaze. He thought about all the bad, times Hank was cold to him or when they'd slept together how he had always forced Connor to face away from him, all that pain. Then he thought about the good times and how that made him feel, working cases together, going to Chicken Feed, times Hank had protected him above anyone else, joking together at the Eden Club, it felt warm and fuzzy in his chest. Could he forgive Hank? Yes he could, but did he want to?

"I forgive you." Putting out his arms Connor slid off the side of his bed and slowly sank to hug Hank and curl into his chest as they sat on the ground together. "Thank you for trusting me, telling me you're a deviant."

Strong arms hugged him back, Connor felt safe and managed the tiniest of smiles into Hank's shoulder. "We have a lot to figure out between us, how to deal with the deviant uprising compared to our casework..." he sighed feeling tired from just talking about it.

"Yes, we do." Hank agreed, "But for tonight I don't want to think about it, I just want to think about you."

A choked laugh left Connor as he smiled a bit wider and relaxed his whole body against his android's, "You big sap."


End file.
